


Fate/Harem Antics That Could Have Been

by kamenhero25



Series: Fate/Harem Antics [3]
Category: Fate/EXTRA, Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms, Fate/stay night (Visual Novel)
Genre: Action/Adventure, BDSM, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Omake, Trolling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:14:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22766830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamenhero25/pseuds/kamenhero25
Summary: A collection of short stories detailing what could have occurred if more or different Extra Classes found their way into the main cast of Fate/Harem Antics
Relationships: Emiya Shirou/BB | Moon Cancer, Emiya Shirou/Iskandar's Shadow | Faker, Emiya Shirou/Jinako Carigiri, Emiya Shirou/Kishinami Hakuno, Emiya Shirou/Osakabehime | Assassin, Emiya Shirou/Reines El-Melloi Archisorte
Series: Fate/Harem Antics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1016835
Comments: 15
Kudos: 60





	1. Moon Cancer/Faker - Part 1

Waver Velvet rubbed his eyes as he folded his lecture notes closed as his students filed out of the classroom. As rewarding as his position felt, some days he really just wanted to go back to his apartment and have a smoke. He slid his papers into his bag and glanced up to see one of his students still waiting at the front desk. “Did you have a question about our discussion today, Kishinami?”

The wavy-haired brunette hesitated for a moment. “It’s not about class, but I think you’re the best person to explain.” One of Waver’s eyebrows rose slightly. “I have a question concerning the Holy Grail War.”

And a soft sigh slipped out. “I like you Kishinami,” the professor said. “But I’ve shared my story about that incident with more people than I’d like already.”

“It’s not about that,” Hakuno added quickly. “I was actually wondering something about the mechanics of the Holy Grail itself. Or the Grail War technically.”

“The only person who can probably answer that in detail is an Einzbern.” Waver didn’t particularly like being rude to his students. Sometimes they could be dumbasses (one in particular), but they were his dumbasses. But there were some things he’d rather not talk about too much.

Hakuno’s shoulders drooped. “It’s just… I was doing some research and something confused me. About Command Spells.”

Against his better judgment, Waver felt that curious eyebrow rise again. “What about them?”

“Well, the information on how to create them is obviously not recorded anywhere at the Clocktower and their functions are pretty thoroughly spelled out, but I couldn’t actually figure out how they’re supposed to be distributed. There seemed to be some inconsistency as to whether they manifest spontaneously or they’re part of performing the summoning ritual.”

Waver sometimes wondered why the Clocktower kept books on the mechanics of the Holy Grail War available to every student. Weren’t mages supposed to be stingy with secrets? “To my understanding, the Grail provides Command Seals to the few who perform the summoning rituals early then distributes the remainder to potential participants of its choice. No one other than the original creators know exactly what those are though.”

The nervous look on Kishinami’s face gave him a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Sometime was about to go horribly wrong. The student sighed and peeled off one of a pair of fingerless gloves. Come to think of it, he had never seen her wear anything of the sort before. “So...” She lifted her hand. “These could be Command Seals then?”

Waver stared at the complex red marks on his student’s hand for a moment. “We should talk in private.” He dug into his coat pocket for his pack of cigarettes. “You know where my office is, correct?” He traced a symbol in the air and a spark lit his smoke.

Hakuno nodded silently and followed as they both left the classroom and headed straight for Waver’s office. It wasn’t exactly secure, but it was much better than having this discussion in an unlocked classroom. The professor took a deep inhale, letting the tobacco smoke fill his mouth before breathing out, obscuring his face for a moment as he unlocked the door and let Kishinami follow him inside.

They both stared at each other for a moment before Waver finally broke the silence. “When did they appear?”

The apprentice mage shrugged. “A few days? I only came to confirm what was happening with you after I ran out of resources in the library.” She managed to look a little guilty about it.

Waver slouched back in his chair, puffing on the filter between his lips as he processed. “There have been rumors that the Holy Grail War was beginning again, much earlier than usual. This is the first confirmation I’ve seen though.” He met the gaze of his student and considered her for a moment. “It’s not the first time the Grail has seen fit to assign an ordinary student as a Master though.”

“Do I actually have to participate?” Hakuno blurted out. “I don’t actually have anything I want. And going halfway around the world to fight is just… unnecessary.”

“You don’t have to,” Waver agreed. “There are ways to surrender your Command Spells. But I would like you to consider doing me a favor.” The brunette glanced up at him, obvious curiosity on her face. “This proves that the rumors of the Grail’s cycle being disrupted are true. I was already planning to investigate considering the… unmitigated disaster that ended the last War. But this provides a unique opportunity.”

Now Hakuno was giving him the same curious raised eyebrow he was familiar with. “How do you mean?”

“Having a Master affiliated with my department here at the Clocktower.”

“So you want me to help investigate.” It wasn’t a question.

Waver nodded. “It would involve continued participation, at least for a time.” He tapped some ash from the end of his cigarette as he considered his words. “Which I won’t deny could be a considerable risk. I can offer as much support as possible, but I can’t give you a guarantee for safety.”

He was met with silence for a few long moments. “This is big,” Hakuno finally replied. “Really big, isn’t it?”

“This is something generations of mages have fought and died over because it might give them everything they wanted,” Waver agreed. “And now it’s going wrong and nobody knows why. So, yes, it’s about as big as it could be.”

The student ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath. “Alright, so what do I need to do?”

Waver stood up and walked to the cabinet at the side wall. “I have a relic. It could serve as a catalyst to provide you with a Servant strong enough to protect you.” Part of him was well aware that he wasn’t entirely unbiased in wanting his student to use this particular relic. “They’re also someone I would trust with my life.” He also didn’t have many other options and Iskandar was more than powerful enough to handle another Grail War. He pulled the glass door open and stopped dead. His cigarette fell from his slack jaw and the professor reflexively stomped it out as he stared at the display case where his fragment of the King of Conquerors’ cloak _should_ have been. Instead, there was a folded piece of paper on the cushion.

“Professor?” Waver ignored her as he opened the case and removed the note.

_Brother dearest,_

_Something urgent and exciting has occurred and I had to borrow your artifact for a bit. I’m sure you can make do without it for a little while. I assure you, I’ll return it in perfect condition once I’ve taken care of a few things. Then we have a project to work on._

_Your loving sister, Reines_

Waver felt his hands trembling and he fumbled for another cigarette. “God damn it…”

\------------------------------

“Adjust the symbols on the west side,” Reines ordered her golem. “They need to be exact.”

“Yes mistress.” Trimmau bowed her head as the liquid mercury magical circle spread out just a bit more, the symbols shifting to fit the new curve.

Reines smirked as she checked her notes and the family grimoire she had been consulting. “Let’s see… add the elemental symbol for earth at the north point. Here.” She gestured to the correct position as her maid adjusted the ritual circle again. “Excellent.” The young noble smirked as she observed her summoning circle. “I can’t wait until Waver sees the results of this.”

The tattered fragment of red cloth seemed to stare at her as she set it on a table at the top of the circle. “Almost…” She adjusted the position slightly and then stepped back. “Let’s begin.”

\------------------------------

Waver rubbed his eyes again as Gray set a cup of tea and a saucer down in front of him. “Thank you,” he muttered as he glanced at the cup. “Are we out of coffee?”

“You’ve had four cups already,” his apprentice replied gently.

“Only four? I must be getting old.” He sighed and took a drink from the offered mug regardless.

“I think the circle is ready,” Hakuno interrupted as she pushed herself to her feet and wiped some of the mineral powder from her hands. “Are you sure this is going to work?”

“Your magical ability should be high enough to perform the ritual with the proper reagents,” Waver said as he stood up and double checked the circle. It was much more convenient to not need to extra power from slaughtering poultry. “Lacking a formal catalyst might make it less predictable…”

“But we don’t really have time for that,” Hakuno finished for him.

“My apologies.”

Gray cocked her head and tried to look at least a little encouraging. “You’ve managed with less before.”

Waver nodded with a reluctant sigh. “I have, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.” He was going to have words with the demon who called herself his sister. “Gray, you don’t have to stay longer at this point.” The silver-haired girl stiffened, but Waver continued before she could say anything. “If you’re worried about the ritual, it may be better not to be here while we’re finishing it. For your own safety.”

Gray’s silence filled the room. “I’ll be outside. If something horrible comes out, shout and I’ll come save you.”

“As always,” Waver agreed with just a hint of a smile.

His apprentice nodded once and patted the unusually silent cage under her cloak once before pushing the door open and leaving the two mages to their work.

\------------------------------

Reines was tempted to dig into her notes and see if she’d done something wrong.

“I ask of you, are you my Master?”

But that would have to wait for later. “Indeed.” Reines lifted her hand to display her Command Seals. “I am your Master. I would know who my Servant is.”

The slender, lightly dressed, and almost definitely not Alexander the fucking Great woman actually smirked a little. “It seems that I currently embody the Faker class, so you should know me by that name. But Hephaestion will be a sufficient name for the time being.”

Reines didn’t like not knowing things, but perhaps it would be, temporarily, more efficient to keep her Servant’s identity completely concealed. “Very well then. I am Lady Reines El-Melloi Archisorte.” Her lips curled up into a practiced smile. “I think it will be an interesting time working with you, Faker.” Just as soon as she had a chance to dig through some of her books and figure out who the hell Hephaestion was.

\------------------------------

Gray took a deep breath as she leaned back against the front door of the building. Technically, Waver had the right to make use of the thaumaturgic labs in his department whenever he needed them, but for some reason she felt like she should be on the lookout for any interruptions. Summoning a Heroic Spirit wasn’t something that was done casually or easily. She clenched her hand to fight back a tremor as she looked up at the night sky. Not in the slightest. The grave tender sighed as she lifted Add’s cage to her face. “Nothing’s going to go wrong, right?”

“How the fuck should I know?” the little cube grumbled. “If you’re worried, go back in and yell at teach or somethin’.”

Gray sighed again. “I suppose I just wait then…” Suddenly, there was a loud bang from inside the building followed by a moment of silence. Then music started to blare through the door. Gray stared for a split second, then threw the door open and ran back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the song Grey heard by the way:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Lova-yf-lI


	2. Watcher - Part 1

Jinako kicked the door shut behind her, trying to balance a large cardboard box in her arms. “Stupid delivery… why do they need me to sign it?” She grumbled as she staggered over and let the package drop onto her table. She fumbled around on her desk for a pair of scissors for a moment, then stuck the blade under the edge of the packing tape and sliced it open in one clean snip. “Let’s see what I got today.”

The box flipped open to reveal a massive roll pretty decent looking fake parchment, a bottle of old fashion ink, several packs of chalk, a set of blood red candles, a pack of some kind of incense, and an old, leather-bound book. Jinako stared at the contents for several very long minutes. “When did I order this?” She grabbed her tablet and started scrolling through the receipts cluttering her inbox. After a few minutes of scrolling, she finally found an Ebay notification listing a ‘grimoire and supplies’ from almost a month back. Vague memories of browsing the internet after a massive horror game binge surfaced at the back of her mind. Maybe she shouldn’t have ordered a bunch of stuff at 2 AM. Eh, whatever.

She tossed the book on the table and pushed the box up against her desk. Maybe there would be some cool occult stuff in here. Or at least something stupid enough to get some laughs about before she chucked the book under her bed to be forgotten. She was set to start tearing into the rest of the packaging when a loud rumble came from her midsection. Well, weird occult mumbo jumbo could wait until after she had lunch ready.

Five minutes later and with a steaming cup of noodles, Jinako finally cracked the supposed grimoire open. “Let’s see if there’s anything cool in here…” The first section seemed to be mostly some kind of ‘ancient lore’ stuff that looked like someone had put a lot of work into it. Usually she had time to read all the lore collectibles in games, but it was usually a lot less boring than this. She turned the pages with one hand while her other fed noodles into the corner of her mouth. “Next.” She flipped through a few more pages until she found a second on making charms. “I guess this is what the parchment is for…” The otaku flipped a couple more pages and swallowed hard as a particularly hot bite hit her throat. “Ack!” She coughed and shook her head. “Is there one to stop burning your mouth?”

She grabbed a can of soda and gulped down a few mouthfuls before she turned back to the book. Charm for safe travel... Useless. Charm for academic success… Already graduated. Charm for good health… Can’t get sick if you never interact with anyone directly! Jinako huffed and flipped a couple more pages without reading them. Then one of her eyes popped up. “Charm to grant wishes… I could get behind that.” She did have plenty of wishes that she wouldn’t mind granted. There were a lot of anime that deserved an extra season or games that needed sequels. Or maybe mom and dad…

Jinako shook her head quickly and buried her face back in the pages. “Okay, just need the parchment, the ink, and some incense. Screw it, some arts and crafts will at least give me something to do all afternoon.” She slurped down the last of her lunch and chucked the cup into the trash before she swept the table clear and rolled one of the pieces of parchment out. She sniffed the incense and, once she was satisfied that the smell wasn’t going to give her a headache, lit it up and set the stick in the burner. “Ugh, never thought I’d have to write calligraphy again after I left school.” She bit her lip and started making careful strokes, trying to imitate the marks on the page. A few strokes in she tore the bottom of the page off and started over. “Shit…”

\------------------------------

Irisviel rubbed her hands together with glee. “Let’s check the list. Otaku, not covered. Cute and pudgy, also nope. Enough magic circuits to support a Servant, check. Performing a vaguely magical ritual about wish granting… double check!” The albino demigod cackled. “Good enough for me!”

Kiritsugu gave a long suffering sigh. “Iri, no.”

“Iri yes!” She laughed maniacally and slammed her hand down on a big red button that Kiritsugu was one-hundred percent certain was not there a moment ago.

\------------------------------

Twenty-three attempts in, Jinako was finally starting to remember enough of her cursive enough that the characters looked mostly like the drawings in her new book. “Okay, now just a bunch of weird chanting and…” Her voice vanished as the letters on the page began to glow and she scrambled back with a surprised squawk. “Hey! No! This is supposed to be me screwing around for the afternoon! Magic isn’t real!”

The parchment was obviously silent as the light grew brighter and brighter until there was a loud bang that knocked the shut-in off her feet. She yelped as she fell head over heels and nearly cracked her head on her desk before she managed to stop herself. She rubbed her eyes with a groan and tried to clear the spots from them as she made out a blurry figure that seemed to appear from nowhere on the far side of her table. The two stared at each other for a few seconds before the new arrival. “Uh… hi. I’m Servant Watcher, Osakabehime.” The dark-haired new arrival groaned and tugged her hood down over her eyes. “Did you have to summon someone like me? There have to be better choices, right?”

Jinako stared open-mouthed for a few seconds. “What kind of light novel bullshit is this?!”


End file.
